Icha Icha Harem
by Mini-Chobi
Summary: To start off, Kakashi wants to be in a harem story, like Junko from Icha Icha Paradise. But after a small chain of events, he decides that being a hawt guy that demands every anime character's attention, is NOT such a good thing! KakaHaremCRACKOneshot


**...I have a writer's block on my other fics, okay? PLEASE don't chase after me with a huge chain-saw... :'( I try... but my computer won't co-operate. When I don't have anything to write, I... don't have anything to write, but when I DO, it refuses to load any of the documents. **

**Is anyone else still using Windows98 :( It's a freakin' hand-me-down... and it doesn't work very well most the time, and my D drive died, so I'm doing EVERYTHING on the C drive... and... well... it's not THE best course of action. **

**Of-course, the best thing to do is just to chuck the motherboard and get something else or build from scratch, but alas, money issues...**

**Anyone willing to cyber-lend??? (no, I'm J/K... I'll be fine on my own TT3TT)**

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**Icha Icha Harem**  
By Mini-Chobi

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Kakashi chuckled as he skimmed the pages of his pervy book. Oh that lucky Junko. How Kakashi wish that he, too, was in a harem story as the main character that ALL girls glomp regardless of age, social status, or whether they deserve to OR NOT.

"H-Hatake-san!! Ohaayo gozaimasu!"  
"Oh, hello... um... ohaayo... uh... Hyuuga-san..."

Kakashi started from re-reading Icha Icha Violence, and totally blanched. By her pale lavender-white eyes, he could see she was a Hyuuga, but her given name failed to present itself in the Copy-Nin's mind. Well, almost all the Hyuuga names started with H... um... Hitomi... Harumi... Hime... Hiroshi... Hiyoshi... Hina...?

"Hinata! What are you doing here? You're late for training!"

Ah, yes. Hinata. That was it. Damn, he was close...

"H-hai, Kurenai-sensei! Ano... Sayonara, Hatake-san!"

"Bye..." said Kakashi, confused by the girl's sudden greeting, was even more taken aback when Kurenai bent low and started whispering in her ear, glancing at Kakashi at times.

Kakashi shrugged and continued on his way to the sweet shop, turning around and just missing the moment when Hinata blushed furiously red and collasped into a giggling Kurenai's arms.

As he arrived at the sweet shop and was JUST brushing the flaps away from his face and entering the humble structure when a hand slapped onto his shoulder and spun him around to face its owner.

"Anko-san?"

"HEY, Kakashi!" chirped Anko tipsily, taking a swig from a sake bottle in her free hand. "Wazzup?"

"I was just about to go in and buy some dango, Anko-san," replied Kakashi.

Only one word registered itself in the Mitarashi's drunk mind.

"Dango? Did someone say DANGO?" she cried, her grip on Kakashi's shoulder tightening. "I want DANGO!"

Kakashi ended up buying Anko lots of dango.

"THANK you, Kakashi-KUN!" Anko squealed as she ran away with her bags full of dango. But not before she pecked Kakashi on the cheek... mask... mask-covered cheek... cheek-covered ma- WAIT A MINUTE what am I saying? Cheek-covered mask?? WTF?

Anyway, Kakashi was relatively indifferent to these two strange occurences. I mean, it was ONLY Hinata walking randomly up to him and bidding him good morning and Anko eating dango and kissing his cheek.

Women love guys that are clueless. Did you know that??

* * *

And hail the incoming CRACK

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"Yo." 

"ARGH!! YOU'RE LATE AGAIN!" screeched Naruto. And he was all alone in this.

"Hn."

And Sai was just drawing as he uttered, "Hey."

"... um, Sakura, aren't you going to say anything?" asked Kakashi, quirking his eyebrow, even though it's not like you could really tell.

Sakura giggled very girlishly, and flounced over to Sasuke.

"I'm OFFICIALLY declaring," she officially declared, "that I am no longer Sasuke-kun's admirer, fangirl, wannabe lover... etc etc... I'm giving UP on him!"

Sasuke looked like he'd been bitch-slapped. And he had. ON THE INSIDE.

"Wait, so this means I have a chance with Sakura-chan now, right?" asked Naruto excitedly. "HOO-RAH!"

Sai bonked Naruto upside the head and continued drawing a very detailed picture of a penis.

Sasuke looked like he'd been double bitch-slapped. And he had. ON THE INSIDE.

"No, it must mean that it is _I_ that has finally won my lovely Sakura-san's heart!" yelled Lee as he jumped out of no-where dragging Neji and Tenten behind him. "This is the greatest day of my LIFE!"

Sasuke didn't even have TIME to look triple bitch-slapped, for suddenly, Ino jumped out of a bush with Shikamaru and Chouji in tow and landed RIGHT beside Sakura, but Shikamaru and Chouji where kind of surprised and just landed on the floor like "DER!!" and then got up and brushed themselves off, but they were still like "DER!!" because Ino had just pulled them randomly out of a bush, and hey, you'd be like "DER!!" too, and you WOULD, because this is MY story, and MY imagination, and MY harem parody, and MY thing, and MY plot, and MY run-on sentence, and MY fandom, and MY crack fic, and MY craziness, and MY weirdness, and MY insanity oozing onto the print, and MY EVERYTHING, and since IT IS SO, then what I say goes, and Shikamaru and Chouji were still like "DER!!" because they were randomly pulled out of a bush by one blonde Yamanka Ino, even though being blonde had NOTHING to do with anything WHATSOEVER, and that's how everything is, and, come ON people, work with me here since everything I say, GOES!!

"I TOO, am OFFICIALLY DECLARING the severing of MY ties of love with dear Sasuke-kun!" Ino crowed, punching the air while comprehension dawned on Shikamaru's face and Chouji was still like "DER!!".

"Although he is still the gorgeous avenging lover he is... I am no longer attracted by his... foolishness at attempting murder of his OWN BROTHER. IMAGINE THAT!!"

Sasuke looked like he'd been quadruple bitch-slapped. And he had. ON THE INSIDE.

Sai looked over at Sasuke and chuckled at his expense, then flipped to another page in his sketch book and began drawing Sasuke's 'I've-been-abandoned-by-my-biggest-fangirls-and-I-look-like-a-little-boy-who-was-told-his-birthday-wasn't-going-to-be-celebrated-and-also-like-I've-been-bitch-slapped-four-times' expression.

Tenten then stepped up.

"I am now declaring myself Neji's EX-GIRLFRIEND!" she screamed for all to hear. "I am no longer in love with him, and since everyone else is being so bold about their sudden change of heart, I too, will be JUST as bold, so as to succumb to peer pressure."

Then, she bitch slapped a very, very shocked Neji.

Neji looked like he'd been bitch-slapped. And he had. IN REALITY.

Sai looked at Neji and then flipped to the next page and began scribbling down how Neji looked like on the ground after being bitch-slapped. It's not like Sauke's face was going to change anytime soon, so his OTHER picture was A-OK!!

JUST then, Hinata came running up, sobbing.

"I-I too, must con-f-ff-fess..." she stuttered, wiping her tears delicately with a handkercheif. "I no longer have an insane... m-mad c-c-c-rr-r-ruuu-shsh-sh... on N-N--N...Na-ru-rur-rur-ru--to... tooo...-ku...kun..."

Naruto looked like he'd been just plain slapped. And he had. ON THE INSIDE. JUST LIKE CHICKEN.

Ooops... I mean Sasuke.

Then, a whole bunch of random Sasuke, Neji, Gaara, Shikamaru, Kankurou, Naruto, Chouji, Sai, Lee, Kiba, and Shino fangirls shook the earth as they stampeded towards the group of gathered shinobi and kunoichi.

"WE TOO CONFFESS THAT WE NO LONGER LURVE OUR RESPECTIVE IDOLS!! WE NOW LOVE...!!!"

Every girl there jumped together and did the wibble as one huge group.

"...KAKASHI-KUN!"

Every single boy present save for Kakashi looked like they'd been bitch-slapped. Even Sai. And they had. ON THE INSIDE.

"That was uncalled for..." sniffled Lee. "Beaten in love by Gai-sensei's rival... it was highly unexpected!"

Kakashi was looking bewildred.

"Why do you all suddenly love ME now?" he asked the mass of girls on their tippy-toes OBVIOUSLY about to glomp him.

"It's that new cologne you have!" screeched the girls. "IT DRIVES US CRAZY!!!!"

"... wait a minute... I don't use cologne... it smells disgusting..."

"THEN IT MUST BE YOUR MANLY NINJA FRAGRANCE!!!"

"...?!"

Suddenly, Anko jumped out of a tree nearby and landed on all fours like a cat. She slowly rose to her feet.

And after a DRAMATIC and THEATRIC pause that would make Hollywood proud-

"GET 'IM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Kakashi ditched his books, empty scrolls -anything that could possibly hold him back from running for his life/virginity.

On second thought, he would rather NOT be in a harem story.

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**And... THERE you have it. My first crack one-shot. Review if you liked it, OR EVEN IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT! HURRAY! If you don't review... I know you don't CARE about my feelings... OR YOU JUST DON'T CARE AT ALL!!! WAHHHH!!!!cries **

**-MC**

**P.S. I have NO idea what I was smoking when I wrote that last part. (Don't worry, I don't ACTUALLY do drugs. And nor should YOU because they screw up your life and make everything go WRONG!!)**


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